New Life - that is what I’ve been praying for and pursuing for a very long time now. I want to be alive and function as a complete and healthy adult woman. My heart’s desire is to serve God and embrace my divine purpose, but that’s not easy for one who has experienced abuse.
My abuse began when I was a young child and continued into my adult life in both of my marriages. The abuse I experienced in my second marriage, to a Christian man, brought me to such a low point of depression and hopelessness that I contemplated suicide; each day for three years I fought to stay alive.
It was at this point that God brought me to Hagar’s Sisters. The first several years of my involvement with the ministry were spent healing the woman who was abused by two husbands. I have now come to a point of emotional safety and trust that I can allow the little girl inside me to come out of hiding to seek healing.
I remember the first time I heard that I had a heavenly Father — it was at a Hagar’s Sisters meeting. I was repulsed and thought, “No don’t say that”! My concept of a father was not one of love, but one of abuse. Through Hagar’s Sisters compassionate approach and Biblical teaching, I learned the truth about what a loving Father was like.
My healing has also had many positive aspects. During a weekend retreat with the Sisters, I realized for the first time that I actually had happy memories from my childhood. This healing moment was only possible because I was surrounded by women who loved me unconditionally. Other healing moments like this have repeated themselves during my time with the Sisters over the years.
The little girl inside me is struggling to heal from the sexual abuse I endured as a child and is working diligently to learn to receive and accept real love. Healing from the sexual abuse is going to take a long time, but it is happening in the most unexpected ways. Oh how I love the gifts given by many at Grace Chapel that have helped to heal my heart: my teddy bear, my little lamb that sings a lullaby to me each night, and the PJ’s I’ve only been able to wear for a couple hours before I go to bed. I can now read good night stories in safety instead of fear.
Healing from a life of abuse cannot be accomplished over night. It takes commitment and a lot of hard work to heal so many hurts. Hagar’s Sisters continues to lead me gently to those difficult places continuously focusing on my relationship with Christ. I plan to continue to do the hard work of healing surrounded by the love of Hagar’s Sisters and to use my experience to help others heal from abuse.
"T" is a 56 year-old divorced mother of an adult child - LOWELL, MA.