You might be wondering: If God is so clearly against abuse, then why does Scripture tell wives to submit to their husbands?
This question often comes up when people encounter Ephesians 5:22, which says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” For many women—especially those who have experienced control, manipulation, or abuse—this verse can feel confusing, painful, or even dangerous.
But this verse was never meant to be read in isolation. To understand what the Bible truly teaches about marriage, we have to look at the full passage and meaning behind it.
The Verse Before Changes Everything
Before Paul ever addresses wives or husbands, he begins with this instruction:
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21)
This verse sets the foundation for everything that follows. The call is not one-sided. Scripture does not say, “wives submit no matter what,” nor does it give husbands power or authority to dominate, control, or harm. Instead, it presents a vision of mutual submission, a relationship shaped by humility, love, and self-giving.
What About Husbands?
The passage continues:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)
This is not a call to control. Instead, it’s a call to sacrificial love.
Christ’s love for the church was never coercive, threatening, or self-serving. He laid down His life. Christ protected. He served. He never used power to dominate.
When Scripture speaks of wives submitting to their husbands, it does so within the context of husbands being commanded to love with self-sacrificing, Christ-like care.
Mutual Submission, Not Dictatorship
The Bible does not present marriage as a hierarchy where one person rules and the other obeys. God’s design for marriage is mutual submission, not dictatorship.
Both wives and husbands are called to put aside selfishness.
Each are called to humility.
Together, they are called to love that reflects Christ.
Any interpretation of “wives submit to your husbands” that excuses abuse, silences women, or demands endurance of harm is a misuse of Scripture.
What This Verse Was Never Meant to Justify
This passage does not mean:
- Wives must stay in unsafe or abusive situations
- Husbands are entitled to power or control
- God condones harm in the name of marriage or faith
God’s heart is always for safety, dignity, and freedom. Scripture should never be weaponized to keep someone trapped or afraid.
A Word for Those Who Feel Stuck
If this verse has been used to hurt you, confuse you, or make you doubt God’s care for you—please hear this clearly: that was never God’s intention.
The Bible’s vision for marriage reflects mutual respect, love, and shared submission to Christ. Anything less falls short of God’s design.
If you’re wrestling with these questions, you’re not alone. Asking hard questions about Scripture isn’t a lack of faith—it’s often the beginning of truth and healing.
At Hagar’s Sisters, we exist for this very reason: to tell the truth about Scripture, especially where it has been misunderstood or misused, and to walk alongside women as they seek clarity, safety, and hope. If you’d like to talk with someone, we invite you to visit our website, explore our resources, and—when you’re ready—click Begin Your Journey to reach out. We’re here when you are.