“Wives, submit to your husbands” does not mean enduring control, harm, or abuse. In Ephesians 5, submission is part of a broader call to mutual love and humility, where husbands are commanded to love sacrificially like Christ.
This passage describes a relationship of mutual respect and care, not power, control, or domination.
For many women, especially those who have experienced control, manipulation, or abuse, this verse can feel confusing, painful, or even dangerous.
But this verse was never meant to be read in isolation. To understand what the Bible truly teaches about marriage, we have to look at the full passage and meaning behind it.
The Foundation: Mutual Submission (Ephesians 5:21)
Before Paul ever addresses wives or husbands, he begins with this instruction:
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21)
This verse sets the foundation for everything that follows. The call is not one-sided. Scripture does not say, “wives submit no matter what,” nor does it give husbands power or authority to dominate, control, or harm. Instead, it presents a vision of mutual submission, a relationship shaped by humility, love, and self-giving.
What Husbands Are Called to Do
The passage continues:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)
This is not a call to control. Instead, it’s a call to sacrificial love.
Christ’s love for the church was never coercive, threatening, or self-serving. He laid down His life. Christ protected. He served. He never used power to dominate.
When Scripture speaks of wives submitting to their husbands, it does so within the context of husbands being commanded to love with self-sacrificing, Christ-like care.
God’s Design for Marriage: Mutual Submission, Not Control
The Bible does not present marriage as a hierarchy where one person rules and the other obeys. God’s design for marriage is mutual submission, not dictatorship.
Both wives and husbands are called to put aside selfishness.
Each are called to humility.
Together, they are called to love that reflects Christ.
Any interpretation of “wives submit to your husbands” that excuses abuse, silences women, or demands endurance of harm is a misuse of Scripture.
What Ephesians 5:22 Does Not Mean
This passage does not mean:
- Wives must stay in unsafe or abusive situations
- Husbands are entitled to power or control
- God condones harm in the name of marriage or faith
God’s heart is always for safety, dignity, and freedom. Scripture should never be weaponized to keep someone trapped or afraid.
If This Verse Has Been Used to Hurt You
If this verse has been used to hurt you, confuse you, or make you doubt God’s care for you—please hear this clearly: that was never God’s intention.
The Bible’s vision for marriage reflects mutual respect, love, and shared submission to Christ. Anything less falls short of God’s design.
If you’re wrestling with these questions, you’re not alone. Asking hard questions about Scripture isn’t a lack of faith—it’s often the beginning of truth and healing.
At Hagar’s Sisters, we exist for this very reason: to tell the truth about Scripture, especially where it has been misunderstood or misused, and to walk alongside women as they seek clarity, safety, and hope. If you’d like to talk with someone, we invite you to visit our website, explore our resources, and—when you’re ready—click Begin Your Journey to reach out. We’re here when you are.
If you’re trying to understand what the Bible says about abuse more broadly, you can read our full guide here →
Frequently Asked Questions
Does “wives submit” mean women must obey their husbands no matter what?
No. The Bible does not teach that wives must obey regardless of harm or abuse. Submission in Ephesians 5 is part of a mutual relationship grounded in love, humility, and safety.
What are husbands commanded to do in Ephesians 5?
Husbands are called to love their wives sacrificially, just as Christ loved the church. This is not about control, but about serving, protecting, and giving of oneself.
Does the Bible support control or authority over a wife?
No. The Bible does not present marriage as a relationship of control or domination. God’s design is mutual submission, not dictatorship.
Can this verse be used to justify abuse?
No. This passage has been misused at times, but it was never intended to justify harm, control, or unsafe situations. Scripture should never be used to keep someone trapped or afraid.